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| Yes, they're together.
No, they're not just dating.
And they're not just holding hands anymore.
Nor are they just they kissing.
Whoa, thats right.
________ and ________ are freaking ENGAGED.
When did that happen?
Doubtlessly while you slept.
My advice? Never sleep again.
If
you were to count on one hand the people you know who are engaged or
just recently (within the last eleven minutes) got engaged, you'd
definitely need another hand or two at least.
And since you only have one other hand, you're probably in trouble.
By
the way, if that other hand has a ring on it that isn't a promise ring,
a purity ring or a ring that you got at Walmart for $5.95 to become
someone you aren't, then I'm talking about you.
Here's to you, recently engaged or married couple.
Realize you're part of a growing trend of people who have facebook accounts.
If you had a myspace, you really only dated.
Then you got a facebook account and now you're engaged.
Don't be afraid, lots of people are doing it. And its working out great.
We all know you'll be very successful in your relationship because we've watched it from Day 1.
You think we wanted to? *Insert sardonic laughter here*
-We saw your facebook status change after you were asked out on your first date.
-We saw you holding hands, and went back to our rooms to double-check that you two were actually dating. It was true.
-We
saw you saying goodbye every night at the Mayfield bench, J.Alvin front
entrance, or up until all hours of the night in North. (Walker
residents don't date. They just watch Friends together or chat
intellectually)
-We saw you look for each other every meal at the caf, and make waffles together. It was really sweet.
-We saw you come back from Christmas break and hug each other like you were the only two survivors of a campus-wide tsunami.
-You told us before you got engaged you thought it would be soon.
Now that its happened, now that you're really engaged or really married, we breathe a sigh of relief.
Its over. Married students disappear. We'll miss you, but we've been missing you anyway.
Don't worry, we're all definitely totally jealous.
But
at the same time, we're relishing our un-shared ice-cream cones, paying
for one meal at a time, free weekends, extra minutes on our cel phone
plans, and sitting in a couch by ourselves.
*Sigh.
Where did you first meet?
In the Library?
Through Myspace?
Your siblings dated and now they don't really get along but they'll have to?
You had a class together and failed your first exams as freshmen together?
You saw her, hit her car, and kept her phone number when you exchanged information?
Underwater? You saw her/him, forgot to breathe, almost drowned, and ended up being given CPR by your little brother?
Whoa.
"Marriage is scary." James says as he slams into another vehicle. | | |
| i found this fascinating. you won't. eat your heart out, "bored student in the computer lab." i'm one myself.
create your own visited states map or check out these Google Hacks. | | |
| Lowe's.
"Please keep our parking lot safe by returning the carts."
Like what, the carts will attack en masse if not put back in the designated cart-parking areas? Like, if you leave them in a parking stall, it will subtly dent any vehicle newer than a 2005 model while you're shopping naively unawares inside? I doubt it.
This is my job. To hunt those mothers down and put them in their rightful place. Thankfully, this is not all I do. If it was, I would hate my life. When the carts are all in, or in between putting them away, I also serve as a Customer Service Associate.
Customer Service Associate: me.
Loader: me.
When I'm not prowling the inside and outside of the contractor's Wal-Mart, I'm looking for customers that seem puzzled, confused, disoriented, or scared.
Of which there are plenty.
Lets say you're sitting in the middle of the entrance crying because there is just no way you could find a paintbrush in a store with literally the same floor square footage as a football field. It would be me, the Loader, who would come up to you, hand you a kleenex and say softly "is there anything I can help you find?"
"Oh yes!" you might sob, "I need, need, need a paintbrush. Nothing fancy, not something that will cost me my firstborn son, just a simple paintbrush."
You would find your paintbrush.
It would not cost you your firstborn child, just $3.78 plus the 8.5% tax we are forced to assault our customers with.
And being a loader, I would help you carry it to your vehicle.
Or not.
The favorite part of my position at Lowe's? The walkie-talkie I carry conveniently located in my left butt-cheek pocket of my jeans. That way when my boss "Debbie" (everyone has had a boss named "Debbie" at one point in their life) screeches into the radio for a "Code 50" (meaning someone needs help loading), because of the location of the walkie-talkie in my jeans, it is somewhat muffled; therefore not scaring three aisles of customers out of their minds like it did when I wore it on my side.
Working in a construction retail store interesting?
Yes.
I was walking through aisle 19, located at the furthest end of the store in lumber *insert echo effect here* when I came across a man no older than 65 laboring to pick up an 80lb bag of cement.
"Here, let me help you with that sir" I said loudly from several steps behind him.
"Well, thank you. I appreciate that a lot. I'll take twelve of them bags please."
Twelve. Twelve 80lb bags of cement. You've got to be kidding me. Crap.
He wasn't kidding. But he was serious when he told me while I did my lifting,
"Yeah, I haven't quite been the same since I had my 7-way bypass surgery. And that was just before I broke my back too."
Aw jeez. If that isn't a conversation killer, I don't know what is. What do you say to that?
"Sounds like it hurt!"
"You've had your fair share of pain I guess. And my share too!"
"So then, what's your favorite tv show? You've obviously seen them all having spent your last three years in bed."
"Did it hurt a lot or a little?"
"Are you lying?"
Yeah, can't really say any of that. So I loaded his cart, helped him out to his vehicle, then thought "Wow. I love my life. My back hurts."
The next day, a customer lifted up his shirt and turned me around to show me where he'd just gotten out of surgery hours before.
"See that there scar?"
HOLY FREAKING BUDDAH ON THE MOUTAINSIDE!!! It still had the line of black stitches intact in his inflamed tissue starting from his waistline and running the length of his back directly up his spine.
"Yep. I can definitely see the scar."
"Well, that is the reason I'd like you to get me this here water heater and bring it out to my truck."
"No problem. I'll be back in a moment with it." Just after I go throw up about something else of course.
At Lowe's, we will help you find what you're looking for and even load it into your vehicle for you. You don't need to lift up your shirt.
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| "Okay, have fun! I'll see you whenever you get back." The door closes, and I turn to look at the three eager faces that look at me, wondering "what're we gonna do?" I had built up this whole babysitting thing with the cousins, and now it was time to deliver. The Characters: Charlotte: 2 years old. Loves to communicate in unitelligible languages urgently. I'm conviced she speaks a mixture of a South African dialect, a little French, Dutch, and then sprinkles English on top to mess with my mind. It works. Isabelle: 6 years old. Very sharp, loves to get a kick out of something I really didn't intend to be funny, laugh hard for a good long while, then bring it up all the time. Its like I'm a smaller person than her. She's nothing above 4'6", and I'm over 6 feet. But yet I still often feel left out, or that what goes on with her is way over my head. It puzzles and intrigues me. It has to be a skill. Clarisse: 8 years old. Avid reader of anything she can get her hands on, plays piano, has bright red hair but is a fairly complacent personality, loves dancing and singing above all other sports (including eating, breathing, and keeping a regular pulse. She really, really loves to dance.) James: Older cousin and babysitter now being stared at expectantly. "Okay guys, are you hungry? Feel like pizza?" They're excited response was encouraging, but not enough to pull me out of my small low I'd just tripped into realizing that painfully un-original James just played the stereotypical babysitter and offered the girls pizza. It was a hard hit to take, but after a moment, I swallowed a glass of water and moved on in my life. It was a minor setback, but still...pizza? while babysitting? Not cool. Boring. Over glasses of milk, chips with salsa that was too hot (the animated and over dramatized yelling that happened on Charlotte's side of the table was a poster on the wall to James that said "salsa. dumb idea. she's two." I had seen her eating it earlier that day, but unfortunately the salsa didn't make it into her long-term memory part of her brain, because the first thing she did was ignore the pizza and go right for the mild, piling it all on a single pathetic corner of a chip, and plunging into her pallet before I had an opportunity to finish praying. "In Jesus name...(charlotte yells) yaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! hot! hot! hot!" "Amen. Charlotte, no more salsa. Clarisse, could you pass it to this end of the table so she can't reach it? Thanks." A few moments later, I look over at Isabelle next to me, who isn't touching her pizza. "Hey, what's going on girlie? Can I cut up your pizza for you?" "Sheesh, I thought you'd never ask. And I'm hungry too." Feeling pretty bad because I'd not thought of it sooner, but not that bad because Charlotte was lunging, trying to get the salsa again, meaning she enjoyed the experience, I cut Isabelle's pizza up into bite-sized pieces for her. "Oopsies" I said, then kept cutting. "Sorry Bob. Shoulda asked you sooner 'bout that pizza." Then up from her toes came this incredibly loud roar of laughter, and hair flew all over the table as Isabelle threw her face onto her napkin that was underneath her plate and started cracking up hardcore. "Sorry Bob! HAHAHHHAHHAAAAAAAA! Clarisse, he said 'Sorry Bob!'" Perfectly even toned not gracing Isabelle with the least bit of inflection, Clarisse coldly responded "it wasn't funny." Your imagination can fill in the rest of the meal, and it probably wouldn't be that far from the actual dining experience I had. Next task at hand: clean up dinner, then decide...that was boring too. So we stopped cleaning, and skipped right to the dancing portion of the evening. Take two cups of ballet, and put them in the center of the room. Next find one egg(head), give him a guitar, and tell him that no adults are around, he can act as dumb as he likes. Then, take three tablespoons that are totally dirty, and set them on the counter where they will be ignored as the rest of the events in the evening unfold. Add a half cup of general noise provided for by Charlotte who could care less about the music, if people were dancing, she was too. Sprinkle ever so slightly a little hardcore mosh action the girls picked up somewhere...from someone else other than me who didn't teach it to them the last time I babysat them and it was really fun because we moshed to the Tarzan Soundtrack which is actually kind of hard to do if you think about it, and then douse it all with hyper-ness, bake at a million degrees for about 45 minutes, and you have... James getting schooled by three girls who KNOW how dance and all together don't add up to his age. | | |
| aw jeez. God is the best God EVER! Statement: Yes, I am now staying in arkansas. "What the heck? I thought you were going to go back to Hawaii!" So did I. But God didn't think so. During the four days that I had here, He totally changed the direction my life was heading towards for next semester, and my Aunt and Uncle approached me with a "hey, we'd love to open our home for you to live in if you'd like to stay in Arkansas and pursue your schooling here instead of in Hawaii." "Sure, I'd love to! That would be incredible! Wait, let me talk to my dad first and see what he thinks." James talks to his dad. Dad points out several important points. "James, you don't have a car. You don't have a job. You aren't registered for school, but you do have a place to stay. If you can get that all worked out before you have to fly home, I think it would be an amazing thing for you to stay in Arkansas, surrounded by the strong Christian friends, church, and family that you have there already." God did all the rest. Everything. Job: Lowe's. Car: Uncle works for a car dealership and got me an incredible deal on a 1999 Camry, so I'm totally set and so thankful for him working it out so I could buy it. Registering for classes: T-Th night classes and one MWF French class, so my work schedule fits in to my school schedule perfectly. Family: the numbness I felt not having my brothers and sisters around for a semester at a time has been cut back dramatically, because I just aquired three sister/cousins since I live with them. Clarisse is almost 9, Isabelle is 6, and Charlotte is 2. They brighten my every morning. Whoa! Yeah, so God has blessed my life out of my freakin' mind lately, and I'm really excited that I'll get to see most of you around hopefully fairly frequently. | | |
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